Those Advice given by A Parent That Saved Me during my time as a New Parent

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for a year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of fatherhood.

But the actual experience soon turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You aren't in a healthy space. You require support. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mums and about PND, less is said about the struggles fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a broader reluctance to open up between men, who still absorb harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and stays upright every time."

"It is not a display of being weak to ask for help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a pause - taking a short trip away, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and understand his decisions as a father.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "terrible actions" when younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he says. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that helped you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their stories, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help isn't failing - taking care of you is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their issues, changed how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I wrote, sometimes I think my job is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning an equal amount as you are on this path."